Tuesday, January 29, 2008

A bum's bum

Sorry to be politically incorrect with that title, but sometimes, you just gotta go with what works.

So this morning, Mary gets on the Number 1 subway at 242nd Street to go to work. Everything's pretty calm. The subway isn't crowded, since it's the very first stop, so she always gets a seat.

A few of us are chilling out as the train leaves the station. And wouldn't you know it, but almost immediately, a panhandler starts plying his trade.

What's unusual about this guy, though, is his approach. Normally, panhandlers stand in the middle of the car, give a speech, and then walk up and down with their hand out (or a cup or whatever).

Not this guy. "Erin," as he calls himself, goes up to each and every single person in the car with the same line: "Hello (ma'am, sir), my name is Erin. How are you today? I am very hungry. I have not eaten all day. I have no money to buy food. Can you spare some change to help me buy some food?"

Erin has a shock of blue hair (he can afford hair dye but not food?). He's about 25, wearing fairly clean clothes, decent shoes. But he looks rugged, like maybe he does drugs or something. He doesn't slur his words ... too much.

Erin works his way down the line. When he gets to Mary, Mary simply says, "No," and he turns to the guy across from her on the train.

But as he bends over to talk to that guy and give him his speech, something happens. Yes, you guessed it. His pants fall down. RIght in front of Mary's face. And there ain't nothing between him and his Calvins.

Mary does a quick left slide along the bench to get out of, um, its way. "Erin" pulls his pants up, slowly, while the woman on Mary's right can barely contain her laughter.

What a way to start the day ...

1 comment:

Trisha Oksner said...

Welcome to New York! Wow. How uncomfy...